


a new beginning (finally)

by baltheter



Category: Lovely Little Losers
Genre: Developing Relationship, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-08 00:16:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5475878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baltheter/pseuds/baltheter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>balthazar and peter talk out their misunderstandings and try to figure out why it took them so long to sort out their relationship</p>
<p>(there might be cuddling)</p>
<p>post confrontation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a new beginning (finally)

Balthazar felt mentally exhausted as he shut the door behind him, finally in his room back at the flat. It had been a strange day - he’d started this morning living in Vegan Fred’s house, sharing a room with Kitso, not sure of where he was going to live after the holidays, or if he was going to be able to fix things with Peter - or move on from him. 

 

He was finishing up the day back in the flat, after Peter had arrived at the house, and told him he loved him, no miscommunications or misinterpretations. They hadn’t talked much, but Balthazar had decided he would come back to the flat. At least there, they could get a bit of peace away from their friends, and sit down, and talk. 

 

It was all a bit overwhelming, Balthazar had to admit as he kicked off his sneakers, pulling a jumper on. It was surprisingly cold in his room, though he could put his sudden chill down to being absolutely exhausted. 

 

It felt like everything that had happened the past few months had caught up to him all at once, and Balthazar sat down on his bed, not hugely motivated to unpack the gear he'd brought back from Fred’s, and feeling _drained_ in general. 

 

His door opened again, and Peter entered the room, holding two mugs in his hands. He kicked the door closed behind him, flashing Balthazar a soft smile. “Ben’s gone to bed. I don’t think he feels too up to being around anyone right now.”

 

Balthazar nodded, understanding. “I hope he and Beatrice work things out.” He accepted the mug of coffee Peter offered him happily. 

 

“Its normal milk.” Peter said, almost apologetically.

 

“I’ve kind of missed normal milk.” 

 

“Is kind of your new favourite phrase?” Peter teased, standing awkwardly beside Balthazar’s bed.

 

“Sit down, Pete.” Balthazar said, sitting back and making himself comfortable. He figured it wasn’t going to be a short conversation. 

 

Peter nodded, settling himself down next to Balthazar, wriggling around a bit to make himself comfortable. He looked at Balthazar, and couldn’t stop himself from smiling at him.

 

“What?”

 

“Nothing.” Peter shook his head.

 

“Seriously, what?” Balthazar nudged.

 

“I can’t believe this is happening.” Peter admitted. “I mean, yeah, I did go to Fred’s the the intention of winning you back, but I guess a part of me didn’t know if it was enough after everything thats happened this year. I didn’t know if I was enough, to be honest.”

 

“You are enough.” Balthazar said, his expression serious. “Peter, you are genuinely one of the best people I know. You’ve been through your fair share of shit, but that doesn't make you a bad person. It doesn’t mean you’re any less of a person than you were when you were the all round great guy. Honestly, all the mistakes, the fuck ups - they’ve made you more real.”

Peter raised an eyebrow.

 

“I had an idealised version of you in my head for so long.” Balthazar explained. “Pedro, the all round great guy, he was perfect. Right? Everyone loved him, he was everyone’s best friend. I think I probably needed to see you as you actually are before I could actually commit to _us_. Idealism isn’t the best basis for a relationship, is it?”

 

“I wanted you to hate me.” Peter said quietly. “I thought that if I wasn’t the guy I’d always been, the guy you had a crush on, I didn’t have a chance with you. I figured that if I made you hate me, you’d move on and be with someone who deserved you. Someone _good_.”

 

“But you are good, Pete.” Balthazar said, realising Peter hadn’t been told that enough over the past year or so. “One fuck up doesn’t make you evil, you know that, right? You made a mistake last year, but it doesn't have to define who you are. You always had a chance with me, flaws and all.” 

 

Peter let out a shaky breath. “Why couldn’t we talk like this a year ago? Six months ago, even.”

 

“You know me, Pete. I don’t do communication well.”

 

“You do passive aggressive songs brilliantly though.” Peter grinned. 

 

Balthazar couldn’t help but laugh. “I do, don’t I? That can be the tagline for my first album. King of the passive aggressive, noncommittal love song.”

 

“Why didn’t you feel like you could just talk to me about how you felt?” Peter asked. “I know I wasn’t exactly the best friend the first couple of months here, but even so.. If you can write songs like that, even when I was trying to make you hate me, I dunno. You could have talked to me.”

 

“I’m not good at talking about my feelings. Music, its always been easy to me. Song lyrics are easier than coming right out and telling someone how I feel about them. Especially if I feel _a lot_.” Balthazar picked at a loose thread in his duvet cover. “I’m not - I mean, if I was better at all this, maybe we would have sorted all this out a long time ago.”

 

Peter didn’t say anything for a second. “We’ve both been fairly idiotic, haven't we?” 

 

Balthazar nodded. “And we haven’t even talked about those fucking rules yet.”

 

Peter laughed. “The fucking rules.” He echoed. “What were we thinking?”

 

“That if I couldn’t be with you because of the rules, it’d be out of my hands, and then maybe I could get over you.” Balthazar said, looking at Peter directly for the first time in a few minutes. He surprised himself with his honesty, the fact Peter was sitting next to him, no rules or miscommunications for the first time in a very long time giving him confidence. 

 

Peter gave him a sad look. “I guess we both wanted the situation to be out of our control then, didn’t we?” 

 

Balthazar nodded. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Peter said. “For everything. I was really angry at myself last year, and I let it fuck up a lot of things for me. Uni, us. I really am sorry about it all.”

 

“I’m sorry too.” Balthazar said. “I got scared, and I got back with Damien, and I - I mean I think I needed to do that for a lot of reasons, but I know it came across as me picking him over you. I’m sorry for not just talking to you about everything.”

 

Peter reached out, linking their fingers together. “You still think we have a shot at that new beginning? Even after everything.”

 

Balthazar gave his hand a squeeze. “I love you. I think thats all that has to matter. Right?”

 

“Right.” Peter nodded, leaning over to press a soft kiss to Balthazar’s cheek. “We’re going to be okay.”

  
“I think we’ll be more than okay.” Balthazar said, giving Peter the most genuine smile he’d ever seen. He set his mug down on his nightstand, moving to press his lips to Peter’s, his fingers gentle against Peter’s cheek. Peter responded happily, one hand on Balthazar’s waist. 

 

It was soft, and sent tingles across Balthazar’s entire body. They’re shared more than a few kisses since their first on Vegan Fred’s deck, but Balthazar was sure he’d never get used to the feeling of kissing Peter Donaldson.

 

“I love you.” Peter said as they broke apart, a hand absently running through the soft hair at the back of Balthazar’s neck. 

 

“I love you.”

 

“I’ll never get tired of hearing you say that.” Peter admitted. “Balthazar Jones loves me.”

 

“Mullet Boy loves _me_.” Balthazar said, teasing.

 

“Hey! We’ve all had some bad hairstyles.”

 

“I never have bad hair.” Balthazar grinned. “Anyway, I’ve had a crush on you since you were Mullet Boy, so it wasn’t a total turn off.”

  
“You’ve liked me for that long?” Peter said, sounding amazed. 

 

Balthazar nodded. 

 

“When did you realise you loved me?” Peter asked, curious. 

 

“It was like halfway through Year 13, I think.” Balthazar said. “We’d been hanging out in the park, and I dunno - there was just this moment when I looked at you, and you were talking to Beatrice and making her laugh, and I just thought about you much you made me laugh, and how happy I always was around you, and I figured that was what love was. Someone making you feel stupidly happy all the time.”

 

“You never said anything to me.”

 

“You weren’t out. I know we’d talked about it before, but you never seemed too sure about your sexuality, and I didn’t want to push you before you were ready. I figured that if you were anything other than straight, you needed time to sort all that out before finding out one of your friends was in love with you.” Balthazar said. “I know writing An Ode was kind of crappy of me, when you weren’t out or anything, but I thought you’d like it.”

 

“I did really like it.” Peter said. “It wasn't crappy of you, Balth. It wasn’t.”

 

Balthazar nodded, appreciating his reassurance. 

 

“I realised I loved you when we were singing Stay.” Peter said. “There was moments before that - when we were running lines for the play, or making dinner together. Stupid little things that made me think I felt more for you than just a simple crush, or attraction. But there was this moment during that song when it all clicked, and I knew I loved you. I just didn’t know how to tell you properly. Though that was probably pretty obvious, what with _potentially_ and all that.”

 

“I might have overreacted to that a bit.” Balthazar admitted. “I’m not opposed to one night stands. I just couldn’t do casual with **you** , because I was so in love with you. It would have killed me to have one night and then _nothing_. I thought that was what you wanted, then anyway. Because seriously, I did want to make out with you.”

 

“We’ll just have to catch up on all those make out sessions we missed out on because we’re idiots.” Peter grinned wickedly, planting an open mouthed kiss on Balthazar’s lips. 

 

Balthazar laughed, pulling Peter back in for another kiss before he could say anything else. 

 

They kissed, and talked, and talked even more, and all of a sudden it was one am, and their talking had turned to quiet whispers in the dim light of Balthazar’s room, their arms and legs tangled together, eyes heavy with sleep. 

 

“We should go to sleep.” Peter murmured.

 

Balthazar tightened his grip on Peter’s waist, clinging to him like a monkey. “Sorry, you’re not going anywhere.”

 

“I’m not?” Peter couldn’t help but grin.

  
“If I wake up tomorrow and you’re not here, all this might have been a dream.” Balthazar said tiredly.

 

Peter kissed his forehead gently, his lips grazing his hairline. “I’m not going anywhere.”

 

Balthazar didn’t respond, his breathing evening out as he relaxed, exhausted. Peter did the same, letting his eyes fluttering shut. In the morning, they’d talk again, and kiss some more, and talk twice as much, and they’d figure out how to be PeterandBalthazar, the couple they’d spend a year trying and failing to be. 

 

But for now, they'd done enough talking. Tomorrow was a brand new day, and they'd face it together. 

 


End file.
